Bored ? Try this joke then

Thursday, May 25, 2006

What is it ?

ON the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it, held it up and said: 'I bet it's some flowers!'

'That's right!' shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.
She held it up, shook it and said, 'I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!'

'That's right!' shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son.
The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.
She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

'Is it wine?' she asked.
'No,' the boy answered.
The teacher tasted another drop.

'Is it champagne?' she asked.
'No,' the boy answered.
'What is it?' she asked.
'A puppy!'

Monday, May 22, 2006



A MAN comes home early from work one day.

He hears weird sounds coming from his bedroom.

When he gets to his room, he finds his wife naked on the bed perspiring.

'What the hell is going on?' he asks.

She says: 'I'm having a heart attack!'

So the man runs downstairs, picks up the phone and dials 911.

But as he is doing so, his 4-year-old son comes running up to him and said: 'Dad, Uncle Tommy is upstairs, hiding in your closet. And he's naked.'

So the man slams down the phone and runs upstairs to find his own brother in the closet.

The man then says: 'What the hell are you doing?

'My wife is having a heart attack, and you're here running around naked, scaring the kids?

'You shoud be ashamed of yourself!'

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Price for Heaven

A LAWYER died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.

St Peter asked him: 'What have you done to merit entrance to heaven?'

The lawyer thought a for moment, then said: 'A week ago, I gave 50 cents to a homeless person on the street.'

St Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record. After a moment, Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

St Peter said: 'Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into heaven.'

The lawyer said: 'Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person 50 cents.'

St Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming that this too had been verified.

St Peter then whispered to Gabriel: 'Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?'

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to St Peter: 'Let's give him back his dollar and tell him to go to hell.'

Friday, May 12, 2006

After The Honey - 17th Years above please

After The Honey
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee
entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs
the bee entered her vagina.

The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation.
But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use
whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina.
The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis
and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of
my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina.
The husband nodded and gave his approval.

The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it
into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor
said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."

So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young
lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement.
So he began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like
he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts
and started making loud noises.

The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted,
"Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"

The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"